Ready for a shocker?!? I like ANOTHER boy! Crazy right. My newest squeeze is named Brett. Okay, not really new anymore. I met Brett in early October I believe, but didn't really develop a crush on him til sometime in November. Here's the (hopefully) short version of the story:

Brett is my neighbor, his apartment is right across the hall. So we met just by being neighbors. We became friends, but not too close or anything. One night a few days after Halloween they have a little party at their place, and we (me, megan, and keri) are all invited. That's when I noticed just how cute Brett is! I think before that I had been in a Seth trance. So then we finally started hanging out alone.

This is were trouble comes in. I know he likes me... but he is a little unmotivated. We've been "hanging out" for like 2 months. Problem is in 2 months we've hung out ohh maybe... 6 times? If even. Atleast 2 of those times were when we were having people over at our place too. He just always seems to say thinsg like "im so tired, I gotta get to bed early." which is fine... but BORING! Or he gets "held up" places, which i find kind of sketchy... I dont know if I trust him 100%. Just gotta wait and see. He did ask me to hang out tonight, so yay! I really do like him! For me to hold on to a crush for 2 months... that's huge.

I fear I might be boy crazy...

Look! I'm off to a good start eh? Two days in a row! I still have not resolved my Seth problem. Here's my current plan. I'm going to ask him to hang out tonight, via text message. He will. Then try my damn hardest to be platonic with him. He'll probably ask whats up, and we'll talk about it. We'll see how that goes. I hope I can stay strong! He can usually talk me into thinking things are OK. Damn men.

The real question is, do I go to his place, so I can leave whenever I want, or have him come to my place, and then make up some excuse when I want him to leave. I'm thinking my place. Something about my own turf makes me feel less vulnerable. Hopefully my roommate is around tonight. That always kills the mood. haha. Oh the silly games we play.

So even though it may SEEM like I just sit and obsess over Seth, I too have been dating a bit. And have some MAJOR crushes. Well one or two in particular. The first guy I major crushing over is named Darren and he is sooo cute. We sit next to each other in a class and we talk. But he really hasn't made any other moves on me too make me think he's interested in me. Thats what I'm waiting for. Ask me for my number! Ask me to do something this weekend! WHATEVER!! He is single, I actually confirmed this today, so that means my crush is now full on. I'll keep you updated on Darren, although I won't see him til monday. He seems like a good fit for me.

The other guy I really like is named Josh. We're dressing up as a couple for Halloween. It was his idea too. Adorable right? Kinda coupley thing to do though. He told me like two weeks ago he really liked me, and hasn't really had much progress since them. Ive been trying lately not to go after guys as much as I used to, but decided to let them chase me. Im not afraid of being forward, but these guys need to put in some effort too!

Anyway the problem with Josh is #1 I'm longtime friends with one of his roommates, one of them is my roommate ex, and the other is Josh's brother who i made out with in a drunken frenzy last year. Whoops. #2 I don't think he's really MY type. He's cute, he's sweet, a little shy... blah blah blah. This is the kinda guy I always go for because they seem safe. The sweet, shy type which is total opposite of me. Opposites may attract, but that doesn't mean that you are right for each other. Josh NEVER goes out, he'll party at his place if his roommates are having people over, but even then he's pretty quiet. I think I would prefer someone a bit more outgoing. Maybe I can get him out of his shell. We'll see.

I need to start writing in here again.

It's not that I forgot to write in this blog for 4 months! I'm not that neglectful of this blog! I started writing here to figure myself out, work through problems by writing them down. The last four months, I've either had WAYY to much drama going on that I didn't even wanna write about it, or I had NOTHING to write about except how happy I was with life. Uh... boring? But now I'm confused as hell again, and need to get my thoughts clear. Writing them here really helps. So I'm back, for now.

Well what's always been my main topic since I started this blog? Seth... duh! Well we were happily in a relationship until September. We had some great times. Then we broke up, this is were it gets complicated. Why we broke up isn't even the complicated part, although I can't give a concrete reason either. He's just not "the one." Heres my very very abbreviated version of the story...

We broke up. Then we hooked up (a few times), but not back together. Then he hooked up with someone else, and then me again. Then I found about it. I didn't appreciate that. We talked and decided (again) not to sleep with other people, only each other. But not back together. Does this make any sense? No? I didn't think so. So it appears we are back where we were 6 months ago. We watch movies, he takes me out to dinner, we sleep together.

I would be fine with this situation, if I trusted him. I don't. So I wanna stop this thing we got going on, but for some reason it's difficult. At first we were just trying to be friends, and then that kinda turned into more again. I still do wanna be friends, we can have fun together. But I don't know if we can spend time together, and not end up hooking up. He's a hard addiction to kick! So do I just abandon ship and end it all, friendship and everything... or... I don't know the alternative. Continue on the path we are going down right now? Not really what I want. Whatever I decide to do it will no doubt be tough. Loosing him as a friend would be hard, I truly care about him. What were doing now is tough, I don't trust him and it just ends up making me resent him more, so thats not a good choice. And trying to keep things completely platonic will just require a lot of will power on my part, which is something I don't think I have! Frustrating!

Looks like it's time for my bi-monthly blog!

I'm officially horrible at keeping up. I realize this. I've known for a few months now. But dammit I'm going to keep trying to change!

Seth has been gone for 2 weeks now, coming home in about a week and a half! I miss him a lot! And that's all I'll write about him in this whole post! Yay! Oh, and the friend he is staying with told me since he's been visiting, he's been talking about me constantly, which made me smile. He misses me :) K done for real now.

Things are still weird with Kat. She's pissed at me because I don't like her boyfriend, and I won't do favors for him. He is a complete ass, and I don't have to like him! I should be mad at her for dating someone who is a such a jerk, not just to her, but to all her friends (including me). She shouldn't want to date someone who is so disrespectful to her friends. Jonah has people over at his house like 5 nights a week, and Kat's boyfriend often comes along. But once when he had a party, Jonah was specifically not invited, and everyone of our other friends was. Then 2 days later, her boyfriend was right back hanging out at Jonah's, drinking his beer. Wtf? He calls all of Kat's girl friends (including me again) bitches to our faces. And he's an even bigger ass to Kat! I don't get why she stays with him. She's a cute girl, and he is an asshole, and far far from attractive. Even Kat will admit that. He's got a big nose and a receding hairline. She's alienated so many friends because of him. No one wants him around, and she always brings him when we invite her places, so we've stopped inviting her unless we know the bf is at work. We've been friends for 11 years now, and I hate growing apart!

On another note, Wade is a great friend!!! The other night none of my other friends were doing anything, so I had no plans. He decided to not go to a birthday party because I didn't know the person and didn't want to go, and he didn't want me to be bored! So we watched sex and the city reruns (he's straight I swear!) and now today we are going to see the Sex and the City movie! I told him I really wanted to see it, but none of my friends really watched the show like I did so I had no one to see it with. He doesn't even like the show, but he said he would take me since I really wanted too. I said I would pay for it, but he said no, and we fought over it for a few minutes. I finally gave in a said he could pay for it if he wanted. Ha.

Shit! I suck! I always forget to write blogs. Hah whenever I actually think "I should write a blog," I'm usually drunk and have work in the morning, and decide I should probably try to get at least like 5 hours of sleep. But right now I'm sober and waiting for Jonah to get off work, so yay blogging!!

Today is a sad day! I dropped Seth off at the airport this afternoon. He's going out of the country to stay with a friend. The super sucky part is he'll be gone for 3 1/2 weeks. He'll be back on July 10th. And I'm not sure what my work schedule will be like around that time, so I might not even get to spend much time with him right away, since I'll wanna go down and stay with him if I have a few days off. I went back down to my college town last week for like 3 days. I planned on hanging out with a few friends over the time I was there... but ended up blowing most of them off to spend more time with Seth. I'm a bad friend huh? I actually only hung out with 1 friend the whole time I was there. I'm lame!


P.S. I got a new car!!! Finally!!!! So excited!! BUT FUCKING GAS PRICES KEEP BRINGING ME DOWN!!! You're breakin' my balls gas!!!!!

Friends are confusing people

I'm excited! I'm meeting Jonah's boyfriend for the first time today! I don't know why I'm so excited though. I'm sure if he was dating a girl, I would not be all that excited to meet her. It would be more like, "Oh cool some chick, awesome." Maybe it's the fact that this is the first boyfriend of his that I actually get to meet, or even really know about. Can't wait though! Jonah was so excited when he found out his beau (Jake is his name) was coming. I love seeing him so happy! He acts so in love when he talks about Jake, the are always on the phone together, and never has anything but good things to say about him, and how much he misses him. Although I'm confused because last week I walked in on him making out with this girl we know. Very confusing. ?????

On another topic, things have been weird with Kat lately. She's been home from college for about a week, and so far I have seen her once, and it was like for 20 minutes and then she left. To hang out with her boyfriend I think. But its not like this is a new relationship, they have been together for about 2 years, and she's usually pretty good about balancing her time between friends and her boyfriend. Jared and Jonah seem to think she's lost maturity over the last year and is letting her boyfriend control her more. She also sent Jonah a text that said "You're a pimp, but you don't have the shit to back it up," and neither Jonah nor I can figure out exactly what that means. Any ideas? I'm kinda worrying about her strange behavior lately, and hows she alienating friends, including me! I'll always be her friend, but she's less desirable to actually spend lot of time with lately. The boys wont even answer her call/texts a lot of the time. But me and Kat are going shopping in about 2 hours, so hopefully I can figure out whats going on, and tell her whats up.

P.S.- Jared finally met Seth and was actually nice to him, and has since stopped giving me shit about it. But it's only been like 3 days so we'll have to wait and see.

Aged to Perfection

One thing I think I have failed to mention in the blog is the fact that Seth is 25. I'm 19. There has been mixed opinions among my friends if this is O.K. or not. When I first met him, I asked my best friend Kat "How old is too old for me?" She didn't know I had met someone new yet, but when I asked this she knew I did. She said as long as they are under 30 its fine. All the girls I'm friends with seem to think that me dating a 25 year old is totally fine, even a good thing.

But my guy friends were less enthused, especially one friend Jared. He's overprotective of me, and says 25 is WAYYYYY to old. 21 would probably be pushing it in his book. Which is crazy because when he was 18, he dated a 15 year old. Anyway Jared doesn't approve of our relationship, and he hasn't even met Seth yet.

Anyway, Seth came over to my house last night.(yay!! It had been a week since I saw him and was starting to really miss him!) He met my mom. Ahhhhh! I was not as excited for them to meet as he was. He didn't come over specifically to meet my parents so when he got there I was ready to leave and not have them meet. He wanted to.

After he left of course my mom started asking questions. One of the first ones being "How old is he." Surprisingly after I reluctantly told her, she was cool with it. I thought she would freak out for sure. Then she said he seemed really sweet and was cute. I hadn't said anything about Seth to my mom yet, because I thought she would care more about the age difference, so it feels kinda good that now she knows about him.

I personally enjoy dating older. Seth has a full time job, and has already experienced the college life, so he is more ready to have an actual relationship than most college guys. But at the same time he still lives in a college town, and like to go to parties and bars on the weekends. Plus, I get to make fun of him for being a senior citizen, and ask him if we need to go deposit his social security check. Ha.